What happens when you rinse through all those genre classics, what are you left with then? It's time to scrape the bottom of the barrel and revisit some movies that are best admired when no braincells or film snobbery are required. It's time you leave that good taste in film at the door, and delve into my Top 15 most brainless horror movies that are simply pure dumb fun! I was entertained watching this selection below, who knows, maybe you will too.
15. Silent Night (2012)
Let's start things off with a largely unnoticed Christmas slasher with our beloved genre regular Jamie King (Black Summer, My Bloody Valentine), which does nothing new or inventive for the slasher whatsoever, but does deliver a heft amount of kills and gore to keep slasher fans interested. Whilst there isn't much we haven't already seen before in terms of plot or characters (an escaped maniac picks off people in a small town one-by-one), Silent Night does succeed in delivering some memorable chase scenes matched with plenty of entertaingly gory deaths. One scene in particular see's our killer Santa Claus knocking on the door of an extremely bratty teenage girl, who after running her mouth for a quick moments gets electrocuted in a very satisfying manner. Such moments almost have us rooting for our vicious (and effectively creepy) killer Claus, and make his brutal rampage all the more fascinating. Why number 15? because this isn't actually a bad film at all, so you might just like this fun slasher, period.
14. Flight of the Living Dead
Flight of the Dead, a bastard child from Romero's franchise, is a lot better than it has any right to be. This doesn't mean it's a great film by any means, but there is more to be admired here than you'd ever care to imagine. There is only a select number of ways a plane can be utilised for a narrative location before it becomes tedious or strenuous (Snakes on a Plane or 7500 anyone?), so it takes a thick layer of entertainment to stop plane-set movies from falling flat and becoming inept. Whilst Flight is a bumbling mess that fumbles over its own idiotic characters and plot stupidities, it's also surprisingly fun as its boasts from frantically violent zombie action. It certainly makes the most of its setting, and utilises every inch of its plane location to maximum effect. It's a cheap zombie movie with more balls than money, and that's definitely admirable given how easy it is for a zombie movie to suck. Honestly go watch it, you'll be surprised.
13. See No Evil 2
The Soska Sisters are somewhat of trusted name within the horror community despite not all of the twins films being overall successes with critics or viewers. This is where See No Evil 2 comes into play, a by-the-number, generic slasher outing that doesn't deal in new material, but instead dabbles in over-familiar tropes and characters that have littered the sub-genre for decades. See No Evil 2 is far from original, and brings absolutely nothing new to table, and will most likely bore anyone looking for something fresh or inventive to watch to pass some time. This sequel will tickle the pickle of anyone looking for a bog-standard slasher to kill 80 minutes, one that boasts a few good kills, a tough-as-nails antagonist and an always brilliant Katherine Isabelle who's character is an absolute blast to watch. As far as slashers in hospitals go, this is an alright one.
12. Jeepers creepers 2
Victor Silva's 2002 OG Jeepers Creepers will always be a personal favourite of mine, one that is still a hugely under-appreciated B-movie styled creature feature, in my personal opinion. Whilst the first is littered with dumb character decisions from start to finish, it's also extremely endearing, and doesn't hold a candle up to the seriously idiotic teens on Creepers 2. I mean what else does one expect from a film that's narrative focuses around a literal bus of arrogant jock teenagers stranded in the abandoned country side? Expect a lot of goofy gore! Aside from our buffet of teens, the Creeper himself is as camp as Christmas, dealing his craziness up and unleashing some truly entertaining and fast horror action. Whilst the characters choices are pretty mind-numbing, the opening scene is far from it, and offers one of the best and chilling opening scenes the genre has seen in the past 20 years.
11. Sorority Row (2009)
Not many slashers live up to the very high standard Scream set in '96, and none have come close to being as clever or inventive with its delivery. Maybe that's not always a bad thing, and sometimes a mindless slasher is exactly what the doctor ordered. 2009 reboot Sorority Row is exactly that, a mindlessly fun by-the-numbers cut 'em up that doesn't shy away from knocking out a high body count, or utilising its strong female cast to its full potential. The banter between them is sassy, it's sharp and it's very on brand to what Sorority Row is selling, and what they're selling I'm totally buying! The kills are inventive, the characters are diverse, and the "twist" is so painfully obvious it only adds to the overall silliness of it all. If a pimped out tire-iron for a weapon isn't enough of a selling point for you then there will be no convincing you.
Who would have thought this little indie-slasher made on a shoe-string budget would stir up such attention within the horror community. While there is nothing in Terrifier that is outright "brainless" per-se, it is on the list simply due to how much attention it got from being such a cheaply constructed movie, which really does show. The acting is woeful, the lighting is obviously artificial and unrealistic, and the side elements/the opening is so misplaced and strange that it makes the final execution a little hard to digest. That being said, Art the Clown is utterly terrifying, and the gory practical effects are a real selling point. Whilst there is very little to remember in terms of the plot or execution, the killer and his nasty tricks are undeniably unforgettable, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little excited over what Art the Clown has in store for Terrifier 2 coming this year.
9. Return of the Living Dead III
Return of the Living Dead is the product of 80's horror comedy at its finest, and to me is the truest embodiment of what 80's horror is all about. While the first one is iconic in its own right, number three to me is one of the most bizarrely entertaining of them all. Boasting an interesting set-up and a camp as tits delivery, we are introduced to one of the baddest bitches of the 90's, miss Julie, who spends the entire film evolving from a cool, leather-licked punk with fire red hair, into the flesh-eating steam-punk, blood soaked nightmare that came straight from a gay man's horror dream. Julie is fierce, and her presence is truly the best thing about the entire movie. While everything else is dumb waffle that makes little sense, there is no denying its authentically 90's level of flamboyant, that is an enjoyable to watch now as it was back then. Anyone with a intelligent taste in film will find little to appreciate here, but like the undead within this instalment, put your brains in the bin and dig in.
Victor Crowley has become somewhat of a slasher icon of the 2000's, and went on to spawn four movies, despite every one being as questionable in taste as the next. Victor leans a little heavier into the absurd elements of 80's gore than trying to ever create anything more than a high body count. Perhaps the Hatchet franchise isn't supposed to reinvent the wheel, and very much taps into old-school scares and guts, but this doesn't mean the franchise doesn't get stale or derivative. That it does, but it also produces a ton of brilliantly gory kills that are enough to keep its cruel audience entertained. Victor Crowley is great at what he does, so when it comes to knocking a few dumb folk off, get ready for some serious carnage.
7. My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Todd Farmer's 2009 remake of the cult 80's classic is cheese galore, one that how's it and isn't afraid to flaunt it. In the age of when 3D movies were totally hot yah. The 3D effect is all gimmick, and when used 99% of the time it's nothing short of headache inducing and pointless. My Bloody Valentine is the exception, as it uses this to its maximum potential, lunging a pickaxe at us ever 2 minutes and throwing bloody, body parts and organs at us any opportunity it gets. It's great fun, and can be adored by this alone. Luckily for this remake, it has more going for it than just this, boasting a few well-executed and tense chase scenes that are able to dip into dark comedy and terror quite fluidly. The twist in itself is what makes this film super dumb, and you're sure to lose a brain cell or two, one that iff you didn't have so much fun before this would have been a serious deal-breaker.
Guys, it's a movie about killer fucking beavers!! Do I really need to say anything else?! I'm not really going to go into the movie itself, which we all know from the little is dumb sugar-coated in stupid and topped out with an extra side of ridiculous. But it absolutely knows this, and does nothing but try to prove this to you over and over. The seller here however is the marketing for this one, releasing a chunk of posters, parodying famous movies at the time such as Gravity, American Hustler and Her, replacing their faces with a huge mugshot out our leading antagonist; the Zombeaver. Everything in this film is brilliantly silly, which is what you should expect when you've found yourself hooked in by "From the same producer as American Pie, Cabin Fever and The Ring". Zombeavers is everything you'd expect and more.
5. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
I Know What You Did Last Summer is a late 90's post-Scream cult classic within the horror community, and delivers some solid Kevin Williamson writing with a admirable execution. Whilst the other two films that follow are far from good movies (to which the third is absolutely atrocious), 1998's I Still Know can still be admired for its elaborate story and refreshing tropical setting. Our second Julie James outing is by no means a good film, and features one of the worst horror movie twists in recent memory, so if hearing the line "You don't get it, Will Benson Ben's son." doesn't make your eyes roll completely to the back of your skull then we must not have been watching the same movie. Most scenes and their explanations are hysterically laughable, and the final act is downright ridiculous, however the chase scenes (once they get going) are SO GOOD, and the characters themselves are enough of a variety to create some fun conversations and scenes amongst them. Not to mention some seriously fun death scenes at the hands of Ben Willis himself, who could put the Candyman and his hook out of fashion. Did I mention Jack Black plays a white reggae stoner? Trust, it's worth watching him die alone for that.
4. Jason X
What can I say, of course Jason X had to be on the list, being one of a few slasher legends to take a trip to space in his lifetime (Leprechaun Goes to Space anyone?), and you are by far the most absurdly dumb of the ones who have. Leprechaun hasn't made it on this list as it relies heavily on being dumb fun anyways, whilst Jason X knows it's silly, but like Todd Farmer's other work My Bloody Valentine, you can see glimmers of delusion, and sometimes it's apparent that those behind this one genuinely believe it's a good film. Jason X most certainly is the opposite; I mean it's Jason in space for fuck sake of course it's terrible. Having said that, when you embrace it for being this extravagantly dumb you will actually find yourself enjoying it, as it dishes out some of the best kills and machete action the entire franchise has ever seen. Ironic I know.
3. Piranha 3DD
A film about killer piranha's that's title is more concerned on selling tits to teens than it is to constructing a decent movie is obviously going to be terrible, and Piranha 3DD certainly is that, and more. The 3D(D) is piled on here as another gimmick, and admittedly isn't near as effective as a floating penis from the first. Having said that, Piranha 3DD is perfectly fine relaying on dumb humour and David Hasselhoff to get its kicks, and for me they both work in ways I still cannot comprehend. This film goes against everything my tastebuds tell me, and delivers gore for the sake of it, shagging because it can, and an all out third-act bloodbath because why the fuck not; and that's why I admire it so much. This is the type of film you enjoy and you keep it a secret to save your ass from getting abused by the rest of your film friends. This can be our little secret.
2. The Slumber Party Massacre 2
Who would have a slasher sequel to an 80's cult classic could actually be so bizarrely enjoyable and hilariously ridiculous I am still in awe over its existence. I am yet to witness a horror movie be so unapologetically camp and so authentically 80's without ever becoming joke within its own joke. Maybe the filmmakers were serious with this one, and maybe over the years it's simply lost in translation (as I still believe TSPM2 is a representation of teen angst), however the final product now, a whole 30 years later is an absolute blast. If you're willing to accept the flamboyant absurdity of it all then there is much to be admired, however this simply not for everyone. I mean there is no subtly in a singing manic with a driller killer guitar for a weapon is there?
1. Texas Chainsaw (2013)
Welcome to one of the most hated Leatherface movies of all time! I know you're wondering how this is even on the list, never mind taking the top spot, but it's that alone with some evidence behind it why I am here to convince you of exactly that. First and foremost Texas Chainsaw (3D to some), is probably one of the most obliviously dumb slasher movies of all time, boasting a flurry of character choices that are head-smackingly stupid, enough to warrant a laugh out of sheer disbelief. We also have a timeline that makes absolutely no sense in the slightest which just adds fuel to the fire of how genuienly bad this movie is. However, the amusingly obnoxious characters, the generous splatter-fest and admirably fun chase scenes, make for the type of movie that works best when surrounded by friends and plenty of booze. The kills are good, the chainsaw action is better, and the classic "do your thing, cuz!" is great for all the wrong reasons. Leave your good taste in film at the door, and open yourself up to watching this hilariously stupid slasher, as you might just end up having a great time watching it. Who knows, you might have your opinion changed for the good once the credits start rolling. Am I a Texas Chainsaw fan? Oh I absolutely am!